CYFSN Emma Caldwell

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Can You Feel So Now podcast. I am Justin Barton and . I'm blessed beyond measure to be able to sit down and talk with amazing young men and young women who have recently returned from their missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

And today's no different. I'm speaking to somebody who I've never met before until about three or four minutes ago when we jumped on Zoom together. Her name is Emma Caldwell, and I'm super excited to get to hear about her story, her experiences, her faith, and the changes that she's experienced over the last oh, 18 to 24 months in her life.

So Emma, why don't you take just a minute, introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about your family, where you're from, and maybe some hobbies you have.

Yeah, I would love to. So , right now live in Dutch John, Utah. It's outside of Vernal. It's a small lake town. I was actually raised in Montana and I moved to Utah when I was about nine, 10 years old with my dad and his family.

Just a little bit about my family and a lot of the foundation of who I am and why the gospel's [00:01:00] so important to me is I came from a very broken family where the gospel was not a part of our lives. I dealt with a lot of abuse and neglect but I have an amazing adoptive family that's just taken me in and has shown me.

The divine role that we have as family here on earth. And so I'm so blessed for that. But a little bit about me. I love the outdoors. I love to be on the lake with family, friends. I love to play pickleball. But yeah, so that's a little bit about me.

Thank you for sharing that, Emma and I love how you opened up very vulnerably, sharing a little bit about your family, that it wasn't the stereotypical, upbringing that we hear so often in the church.

And I'm looking forward to hearing some of that story as we go through your mission and your life experience. You said that you have an adoptive family. That took you in and helped you. I assume helped you get to the point where you wanted to serve a mission.

Talk to us a little bit about that [00:02:00] process of, you moved to live with your dad at a fairly young age and then this adoptive family. Te tell me a little bit about that relationship there Yeah. And how that happened.

So I actually did not meet this family until I graduated high school. So how I met them, they haven't really adopted me, but we are just family.

It really started my senior year. I had a girl in one of my classes and we weren't really even friends, but I always looked at her as somebody who. I knew was led by the spirit. And a lot of people knew my family issues, knew that it wasn't the most ideal family relationship.

And she looked at me and said, Emma, I feel like you need to come work at this summer job blaming Gorge. And I laughed and I was like, no. And I was like, I need to go somewhere and do something. And I had been praying very earnestly . To have help on the other side to help guide me. And I came up and I just instantly clicked with my boss's family and it was just like [00:03:00] this missing connection.

And my friend, she ended up actually moving back home. Like it just wasn't for her. She wanted to be back with her family, but I know instantly it was God who had prompted her to say that and to invite me so just from there, I had this amazing family that's just blessed me and loved me from then.

, So I joined the church when I was 14, 15. My dad's not a member. My mom's not a member. My stepmom was. That's where the gospel. Was it was never really taught. We didn't go to church, but I was baptized. And I fell away very quickly from the church. I didn't start going to church or have any relationship with God until my senior year of high school.

Yeah. So talk to me a little bit about that. You said this girl in the class, you always. Recognized her as somebody who was led by the spirit. How did you recognize that she was led by the spirit and was that the words that you [00:04:00] would've used at that time

I would say she was just, she had a light about her. And I didn't know why and it actually bothered me for the longest time. Like I thought she was like so annoying and she's my best friend now. And so it's funny, we make jokes about it, but I just was like, why is Sydney so happy all the time? Why does she have this light?

Why does she have an answer to literally every. Problem I feel like I have in my life, but she has the answers to it, and she and it now I know it's because she was living the gospel and Jesus Christ was her constant companion. And she lived her life where the spirit could be with her. But at that time I just, saw this glow that sometimes was, it was so bright that it was annoying.

No I completely understand that that type of thought process now, you said you were baptized at 14 or 15 years old. What led to that and why did you [00:05:00] choose to be baptized at that point, if soon thereafter, you're like, eh, it doesn't, that doesn't work for me for several years.

Yeah. So my story is seminary. All my friends, they took seminary. I had a lot of friends that were older than me and in my school they did like summer seminary. So once a week you could come and have a seminary lesson and it was just like a good way to get the kids together Wednesday mornings in the summer.

And so my friends invited me to come and I went. The teacher Brother King, he just was so nice to me. He just made me feel so loved. And they were reading Doctrine and Covenants at that time. That was the book they were going into. And I didn't really know much about the Book of Mormon. I grew up Lutheran.

When I lived in Montana. I would go to Lutheran church every Sunday with my grandma, and so I knew a little bit about the Bible. But I didn't really know anything about the Book of Mormon. Didn't know anything about the Doctrine and Covenants, but the best way that it was [00:06:00] explained to me is it was about a 14-year-old boy who was having personal conversations with God, and God was answering him.

And I was in a point in my life where I did not believe that God spoke to me. I didn't believe that I was even loved because my earthly parents didn't show me that love. And so that hit me. And as I read Doctrine and Covenants I just fell in love with the fact that God really speaks to his children still constantly.

And that led to me just meeting with the missionaries and realizing that there, there can be joy, there can be happiness, what led me to just leave the churches. I didn't have any examples of a testimony or anything, and I had my friends, and I think that was the leading factor, is I saw the joy they had and , I was so hopeful that I could have that, and [00:07:00] I loved the way it felt in my friends' homes.

And so , my parents didn't take me to church, didn't want the gospels not taught in my home and. Then I soon quickly started getting into some hard addictions in high school, hanging out with people that I shouldn't, have hung out with, and I got into a lot of the anti that was on the internet

Yeah. So this is such a cool story and we could talk about this for hours probably and I would love to do that at some point. I want to get to your mission, though. Because that's what we're talking about here. What made you decide in the end, I'm gonna serve a mission?

Yeah, so I had a bishop reach out to me my senior year and he was like, Hey, I'd got to meet with you. And I started meeting with him, and then I met with some sister, the sister missionaries, and I just had the spirit hit me. One of the sisters that had just been transferred in, she had a super similar story to me, and I just saw the glow and the brightness she had, and it just changed my world

maybe I could do [00:08:00] this. And I had a lot of experiences leading up to the choice. I turned 19 my senior year, so I could have left that June. And I was having all these experiences that were like, you need to go on a mission. And I, for a year, I tossed and turned and my parents told me if I were to go that they wouldn't talk to me ever again.

And I told God if I was supposed to go in a year that he would provide a way, and in my patriarchal blessing was very aware that I needed to go on a mission. And in a year he, I had some just experiences and I started thinking a lot about my posterity that maybe my mission isn't for me, but it's for my future family and that's why I need to go is 'cause my future family.

They deserve to have that example of a faithful parent. And I knew that God would change me and that's what I needed in my life.

Wow. [00:09:00] So thank you for sharing that. And I've got a lot of follow up questions here, but I need to go back here. Talk to me about where you were assigned to serve and the approximate dates that you served there.

Yeah, so I was called to the Arkansas Bentonville mission, and I served from June, 2023 to January, 2025.

. All right. So in, in the Arkansas Bentonville mission I'm gonna go to one of the things you said. One of the sister missionaries you met with your senior year of high school, had a similar story to yours, and it just rang out to you. Did you have the opportunity to meet with people that had a similar story to you that you were able to connect with because of that story?

Oh so many people I knew for a matter of fact, like my first week of me being a missionary was like I know that I was called here for a reason. 'cause there were so many people that I was meeting with family difficulties or family saying, I'll cut you off if you joined the church. Or just different experiences I had in my life that were [00:10:00] really hard.

God was healing me through the people I was teaching, and it was so aware that I was called to that mission for them and really they were there for me.

That's something that I find so powerful in my own life. I am, sharing something that I've received with people, but I gain much more back from them in that process.

Talk to me about some lessons you learned from people that you were sharing the gospel with, but they gave back, or you were healed in the words that you used Much more than even they were.

Yeah, I think one of the biggest things is the atonement. It goes on forever. There is nothing we can do to not deserve the atonement.

And I think a big thing is I learned my identity as a child and a daughter of God, and that was nothing that I could have told you before. And through different people I saw them develop that identity in it. It impacted [00:11:00] me and helped me see in return that they have gone through harder things in the world.

, But they can still feel that love. So why can you not feel that love and to realize that we really are the biggest blocks sometimes when it comes to the atonement.

Yeah. And I want to go into this a little bit. As you started your mission and as you started.

This path to where you are today, . Did you have those thoughts? God is good for everybody else, but for me, that doesn't quite work out. I'm too far gone. , I've gone in different places than these other people that I'm talking to, and , God's arm just isn't long enough for me.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

Yeah, 100%. Actually, my first six months of my mission were really hard and we didn't know if I was gonna be able to finish my mission out in the field. , I love testifying of God's love 'cause I could see people with this glow. I could see all the amazing things that they couldn't see themselves.

And my first two transfers, I just, I wasn't [00:12:00] doing very well mentally, but I just, I knew I needed to be there and I was going to just. Allow myself to suffer. 'cause I knew that God wanted me on a mission, and so I just kept suffering. And I went to my mission president and I just said, I can testify people the love that God has for them, but there's something missing.

And I don't know what it is, but I can't testify as boldly or feel. The spirit is strong as I know I should. And he goes. Do you believe that you are loved by God? Can you testify the same things for other people for yourself? And I remember just with tears in my eye saying, no, I can't and I want to. And he was able to navigate that for me and encourage me and counsel with me things that I can do.

Thank you for sharing that. So Emma. You [00:13:00] talked about one of the things that attracted you to the church , that brought you into the gospel was understanding that God speaks to people, even 14-year-old boys. And helps them learn some things. How does God speak to you and how do you know that God loves you as his child, as his daughter?

Yeah. I know that there's two big things that have happened in my life or I've seen patterns of, and I can testify. It's one God speaks for people. He speaks to those who help us feel love and who helps us fill the spirit.

But also he shows us love through our trials. And that was a really hard concept is the world wants us to think if I suffer, God hates me. But really, every single person suffers. Even God's disciples, even Jesus Christ disciples, they all suffered. And that's part of the plan. So we can receive joy in the end.

And so that's how I have felt God speak to me, is showing me [00:14:00] through other people who help me feel uplifted, who draw me closer to him, that he's aware of me, he loves me, and I'm a big people person. I love being with my friends and family. I'm rarely alone. I just love people and I know God knows that, and so he has sent me so many earthly angels.

Thank you for sharing that. Talk to me a little bit more about God speaking through trials, through suffering. It sounds so counterintuitive to most people in the world that, Hey, if I'm having a hard time right now, that's just God saying, Hey Emma, I love you. Here's a little bit to show you how much I love you.

I feel like I would be getting through a trial and I'd be like, okay, I am finally understanding things, like I'm getting through it and then something hard would happen again. And I felt that God knew that through trial I could grow and if I stayed comfortable, I was never going to grow.

And God doesn't want us to stay just simple. [00:15:00] That's why we came to the earth is because we couldn't progress anymore. He wanted us to have the ability to progress. And so I look at trials as an opportunity for us to go through the refiner's fire so the savior can start to see us a little bit more, our reflect, his reflection, and us a little bit more.

And so just changing my mindset of trials and knowing that God has never forsaken me. So why would he now?

All right, Emma, since you've returned home about two months ago, have you had a trial where you've been tempted to say, God, why have you forsaken me? And then how has that developed if you've had that experience since you've got home?

Yeah. I feel super blessed. 'cause I think coming home has been one of the very hardest things I've ever done in my life. I loved being a missionary. Ugh. I get emotional because. Being the Lord's representative was one of my biggest dreams. And being able to do that every single day and [00:16:00] see the way that the gospel changed those people's lives was a dream come true.

And so coming home was so hard, and that's been a trail of itself, but there's other trials that happened in our family. And for me, I've been able to just hold onto what I experienced. I was actually talking to a dear friend yesterday and. When you come home, the adversary's really good at tempting you and making you question what you do know.

But I just remember everything I saw and I felt I went through tangible experiences in Arkansas that will never take away the truths that I do know, and to just hold onto that's my hope is I've seen it happen before. I've seen hope, I've seen healing, and I know I will again.

All right. I want you to get specific with one of those tangible experiences that you went through that a principal to be true.

No matter what the adversary ever says to you right now.

There are so many, let me think. [00:17:00] I would say. Probably my friend Jeff. So Jeff is an addict. He has struggled with smoking and drinking and just everything. He was so depressed. And so addicted that he couldn't leave his home, but he just needed us to come to the door and see us and for us to say, God loves you. And he'd be okay for 24 hours. And then he needed it again. And I was in that area for six months and by the time I was leaving, Jeff was finally coming to church and he was finally allowing us to come and have lessons with him.

And he received , a priesthood blessing. I could literally feel the spirit there. It was tangible. I could feel it and for once he could say, I know I can be forgiven. Before , he thought he was the most awful person to live and that he really did believe that he didn't deserve to live any longer.[00:18:00]

And that is one of the most heartbreaking things that you can ever feel or see somebody go through. Is them believing that they truly are not worth living and to see that he was being healed in that priesthood blessing. I know the priest of power has been restored because I've seen it work over and over in people's lives.

I've seen it work in my life and I saw it change Jeff that day.

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. Emma you mentioned that Jeff, . He struggled with a lot of different things. You mentioned also in high school that you fell into some practice some behaviors, some substances, maybe.

Talk to me a little bit about your understanding of, and your compassion for the addict.

Yeah, it's hard. I come from a long line of addicts and I have fallen into that boat, and it's hard because it's an illness and that's not what a [00:19:00] lot of people understand.

They think it's a repetitive action that you're taking and sometimes it controls you, and sometimes that's the only peace. You can feel is when you are partaking with those substances. And so I was able to have so much sympathy and empathy for him because I understood that feeling. But I also, knew the other feeling of the gospel and that peace outweighs the peace he was receiving.

And to be able to know that we're not gonna be able to heal you by our words, but Jesus Christ will, and he is the only person who can truly heal. We're just here to be the bridge for you. I know that God sent me to him so we could have each other. 'cause , not a lot of people at my age have those experiences already.

Agreed. And that, I think that's one reason why you may have been such an effective [00:20:00] person with people who saw themselves, in you. Talk to me a little bit about let's sit on this addiction topic for just a minute, if you don't mind, Emma? What do you do today? And I don't know that you ever felt that you were an actual addict or just were in habitual patterns. Throughout your youth or whatever, but what do you do today to ensure that you don't that you keep that illness that you talked about? Treated.

Yeah. The biggest thing is being intentional on who I hang out with and how I spend my time. I have to make sometimes harder choices.

On who to hang out with. That's a big thing, but also sorting every single day. I love the return and report principle we learn in the temple because I believe that is what we practice every single day in prayer. God gives us direction in the beginning of the day, and we can use the spirit throughout the day, and then we return to him at night and report on that.

Every single day I ask him for help to lead me to [00:21:00] live in a higher way than I did the day before. And I see the spirit so strongly, but also through my covenants. My covenants have been the biggest anchor in my life to know that I don't have to do all these things alone. That's the beautiful news of the gospels.

We have our savior who already did, and he has the steps for us. As we turn to him, we can find safety in our covenants and in those promises that we've made.

I love that and I love that return and report principle being brought into , these recovery practices. I haven't quite seen it that way before and I really appreciate that.

Start off my day saying, Hey God, get me through this day. Closing off the day, Hey, here's how today went, here's the highs, the lows, the whatever, and saying, make me strong enough to do this again tomorrow, basically. All right, so Emma, did you have any like verses of scripture that were foundational for you during your mission that seemed to just come back over and over again?

Yeah, so [00:22:00] here, I'll open to one of them. It was second Nephi, chapter two, two. I think a lot of times in missions they. There's a lot of distraction sometimes on, there's a lot of accountability and these different things and sometimes it's easy to lose sight of why we do the things we do

and I think even in the gospel sometimes we get so . Hyper fixed on little things, and I love the scripture 'cause it says we're for redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah, he is full of grace and truth. And to just remember is if we just focus on Jesus Christ, he is the truth. And by grace, that's how we're going to be saved, is by focusing on our savior.

And I love that President Nelson. Invited us all to rededicate our lives to Jesus Christ. As we do that continually, we will be saved.

Thank you for sharing that verse. And what's funny is, as I was scrolling down [00:23:00] to it, I saw another verse in that same chapter and I saw a phrase and I thought you were actually gonna go to this phrase in verse two, where it says, and he shall consecrate thy afflictions for thy gain.

God teaches me through uncomfortable situations. Teach me about how he consecrates your afflictions for your gain.

Yeah, so I love consecration. At the end of my mission, I really studied obedience, sacrifice, and consecration because I loved being a missionary.

That's where I learned what those three principles really mean. In consecration I learned that it enhances sacrifices when we give something to God, gives it to us back. And in consecration is when we give something to God and he will enhance it. And so the way that we can consecrate our afflictions for our good is.

God will use anything for good and those trials are going to happen. And I don't necessarily think all trials come from God. [00:24:00] I think we have the adversary. It's part of the plan of happiness. But , because of who God is, he's going to enhance it and he is gonna make it better than it could have been.

And so that's how I've seen my trials is. They don't have to be all about misery. I'm gonna enhance it and help you learn something. I'm gonna allow you to use that to bless others' lives too. So that would be my response to that.

That's so interesting. And as you were sharing that, I had a thought, and you tell me if I'm way off on this, Emma, , but those first handful of months that you were on your mission that were really hard.

And you didn't know that you were gonna make it through. Did you have more of a sacrifice mindset then, and then it changed to a consecration mindset towards the end? Does that make sense at all?

Yeah. I honestly think that's what it was, is I just was like, I just need to be here. This is a sacrifice and this is hard and I was selfish at the beginning of my mission.

It's pride stripping. You have to learn that it's not about you. And I didn't really [00:25:00] know a whole lot about the gospel. I had just been back in the church for about a year and still knew nothing. But I just knew that God loved me enough to allow me to repent and that I needed to be there. By the end of my mission, I realized it was a privilege to be a missionary.

It was a privilege to get to live in this different part of the country. To wake up and only think about Christ and his children. And that's where I became consecrated because I realized I wanted to give everything and I really can't give that much back to God. The only thing I can give to him that's not his is my will.

And , I fully wanted to do that.

Oh, that's so cool. Thanks for humoring me with that thought that I had.

Yeah, I loved it.

Yeah. That brought me to something else. And this is so funny, Emma as you and I are having this conversation, I seem to be bringing a lot of stuff from the outside that I typically don't do in these conversations, but it seems to be working out. Probably about two months ago I had a friend tell [00:26:00] me, you can either go through your mission or you can have your mission go through you.

And I just thought that was such a powerful statement. What are your thoughts on that statement in regards to what we just talked about? Consecration and sacrifice.

Yeah. Wow. , I really like that saying. I really think that's true, is like you can just be there and be a robot and just serve your time or you can serve the Lord and I wanted to be there and be changed it took me a couple months to realize what a mission was really about and. As great as it is to bring converts into the church, I realized we are our biggest convert. That's why the missionary program is the way it is. That's why we don't do the memorized discussions anymore, is because the Lord wants us to be converted.

He wants lifelong disciples. That is the benefit [00:27:00] of , the missionary program. But because God is so merciful and he is so loving, he's also changing these other people's lives and allowing us to help bring converts while we're converting ourselves.

Thank you for teaching me. I love how you're teaching me like a missionary would, teaching me these principles from a different perspective than I'm bringing in and it's really opening my eyes.

So Emma , did you serve under one or two mission presidents?

Had two amazing mission presidents.

Tell me a little bit about the themes or the takeaways you understood each one of those mission presidents having for their mission and how it helped you in your walk.

Yeah, so both my mission presidents were vastly different and I loved it.

So my first set of mission leaders, they were a little bit older, probably like sixties. Obedience was huge in our mission. If you wanted to be a successful missionary, you wanted to honor God, you were obedient. And I loved it. I'm so grateful for those mission leaders because they taught [00:28:00] me then importance of obedience and we're obedient 'cause we love God.

And so that is a big thing that they taught me. They taught us that we don't waste the Lord's time. We're here to serve the Lord and his people, and this is an urgent work. And so I love that by president and sister Collins. They taught me a lot and , something that will always stick with me that he taught me is probably two things, but one we can't rely on the own flesh of our arm that this is the Lord's work.

This is the Lord's plan. We need him constantly. We need to depend on him. Also that we can't neglect our testimonies. We don't just lose the testimony, misplace it. We neglect it. And so if we don't have one, that's because we weren't doing the things that we should have been doing. And then my second set of mission leaders, I love them.

In their forties they brought some kids with them and they were amazing. They changed my life in so many different ways. But something I really got out of. Those [00:29:00] mission leaders, is they taught us a lot about filling the measure of our creation. That we all only have 100% and we can't always give that.

We can't always have the same percentage every single day, but as long as we're doing a Christ he'll perfect us. And he taught us so much about aligning ourselves with priesthood, keys. That was a huge thing. He taught me a lot on how the priesthood works, and we have to be within the proper keys for those blessings to come.

And so both mission leaders were amazing and I just love them so dearly.

Thank you for sharing that, and I love both of those lessons and those things that you took away from each of them. I can see how they can and will serve you in your life. What are some of the other things that you learned, experienced, or gained on your mission?

Yeah. My biggest thing is prayer. I did not understand prayer. I didn't. I didn't understand how the spirit spoke to me, [00:30:00] and I am forever grateful for the gift of prayer to have that relationship.

I didn't learn just about prayer. I learned about specific prayer in all my areas. I served in quite a bit of areas and in every single area I was blessed to see somebody enter into the waters of baptism. And almost every single experience I had finding this person. Came from a specific prayer of either repetitively praying or asking something very specific.

And we found them in that way. And it taught me that God listens to every single prayer and so many experiences on my mission came from me just counseling with him. And I saw that he listens and I had a say in a lot of people for my mission, but hear me say it, but I said the delay is not deny.

Because oftentimes we're not getting our answers, and we think we've been denied by the Lord, but it's just a delay [00:31:00] in our timing that God will speak to us. And I know that because every single prayer ever prayed has been answered. If that was through a companion investigator, a church leader, where I was visiting an ward, serving them at that time, God used every circumstance to answer me in some way.

Give me an example of one of those specific prayers. Maybe something that you repeated over and over that eventually was answered.

Yeah.

I definitely wasn't healed from everything that's happened in my life when I want my mission, and that was really hard because I started around a lot of missionaries where I felt like they gave me perfect homes and I was broken and I felt it all the time and I had been just praying that I'd be healed and I'd be able to understand why.

I couldn't be loved by my parents or just different things. And in one of my areas, I got to it and the very first day my companion said, Hey, we [00:32:00] just started teaching this girl. We met her literally two days ago. And when they said they had seen her last, she was grumpy and didn't wanna see the sisters.

But when she saw us, she was just so happy. And we had taught her , for. My whole time there for six months and , she neglected some of her kids at a time and I was able to be healed through her to see, oh, I don't know how my mom may feel in this moment, but the weight probably does eat at her.

And she was doing her best, and I learned a big lesson on forgiveness. As I taught Cassie and it healed me, and throughout my whole life, I felt like I'd been praying that and I had been promised from my stake president that I would be healed on my mission from things I have or haven't talked about. And I just remember we were sitting in the grass one night having a lesson, just [00:33:00] talking, and , we didn't teach lessons, we just taught Cassie.

We just talked about the gospel and it. It changed me. And so that is a time that I know a specific prayer was answered was one that started way before I even put on the tag.

How cool is that? And God just took this. This package and put a bow on it for now. Maybe there's more bows to come in the future.

Yeah. The package may grow and change as you grow and change in life, but that you could see that answer and that healing happen. . Emma, before we start wrapping this up, is there anything else that God has on your heart that you're like, I have to share this because

it has to come out.

Yeah. I would just share that any person who's listening to this return missionary or doesn't even know if they wanna go on a mission just keep going. Just go and know maybe you're falling. It feels like you're doing good enough. You may [00:34:00] not know everything to even go on a mission.

Just go, the Lord perfects us. And I learned that. It's not our work, and that's the beautiful part of it all that it's not our church, it's not our gospel, it's Jesus Christ's. And he just asks us to show up and he will perfect us and mold us into exactly what he needs.

Thank you so much. Now as I wrap this up, I always ask a series of questions and I'm gonna go through this. The name of this project is, can You Feel So Now, and it's based on Alma chapter five verse 26, and that verse reads, and now behold, I say unto you, if you have experienced a change of heart. And if you have felt to sing the Song of Redeeming Love, I would ask, can you feel, so now, so Emma, .

I'm gonna start off the first question, and you've talked a lot about this. Talk to me more about this change of heart that you have experienced. What does that look like in your life?

Yeah, a change of heart. I love that. Beginning of my mission, I wrote this goal down and my goal [00:35:00] was to meet the savior face to face, which.

Is a pretty big goal. And at the end of my mission it was three days before I was going home. My mission presidency member, one of them, he called me and he says, sister Caldwell, I just want you to know I've seen you change and transform, and I want you to open to the scripture right now and I want you to read it.

And it was E through 12:39. And it's about when he sees this, the savior face to face. And I had never shared me writing that down with anybody. And I just started to cry and I realized that I did see the savior face to face through these people in Arkansas and Missouri. I saw that my desires, not that my desires were bad, I had some good desires, but they could become even better because I met my savior.

That's the change of heart I had is everything that I do and I want to do moving forward. I want to glorify my father in the [00:36:00] gospel and help people see that there is light and that there's a reason we're here on earth. And it's not to suffer. It's to help us and help us have happiness.

And I'm gonna do a quick aside here.

I see his image in your countenance. As I sit here looking at you, I think I may as well just be sitting face to face with the savior thank you for sharing that, and I love that story. Beautiful.

Thank you

The next part of that verse, have you felt to sing the song of Redeeming Love?

What the world does that mean to you and what does that look like?

So I actually love the word sing. There is a verse second, Nefi , chapter 22:2. It talks about Jesus Christ Jehovah. He is the life in the way. And he actually says, I'm the song. And if you think about it when you're singing, it takes all the air out of you.

It's everything. And you're using that to sing. And I just think that's [00:37:00] Jesus Christ to me. He is my everything. He. He leads and guides me. I couldn't do it without my song. And so , I forever just want that to show that I have felt that redemption and , I just wanna shout it. I said, I just laugh.

'cause somehow every conversation I have, I can just bring it back to the gospel somehow, or Jesus Christ, because I know that we are redeemed because. of our savior.

I love that. Taking me to that verse. Awesome. And then the last question, let's jump in a time machine. . We're gonna go ahead, 10 years into the future.

And you and I, we get out of the time machine and we run across to you. You're sitting there in wherever you're at in 10 years from now. And for whatever reason this phrase delay is not deny, is not working out for you. You're like, God, why are you denying me for so long for this that I have?

Maybe your faith has slipped, you've forgotten some of these things. [00:38:00] I want you to sit down with yourself and just invite yourself with the question, can you feel so now? And if not, why not testify to yourself about what needs to happen in order to come back to where you feel right now? Yeah.

I think one, do you believe that you're a daughter or son of God?

That is the very first thing we teach to anybody because it is so pivotal that we know who we came from and our identity. So to know that, to reflect on that, and two, from that identity and that knowledge, what does that make you wanna do? For me right now, it makes me want to serve people.

It makes me want to read my scriptures and read more about my savior, Jesus Christ, because that's the goal is to become like my savior. As you do those things, the spirit will come back into your life and you can't help it, but follow him. I love and preach my [00:39:00] gospel. It says, when you are struggling with motivation to teach, access the atonement of Jesus Christ, because the atonement of Jesus Christ is the greatest motivator.

Jesus Christ is my reason for anything I do. And so I would tell my future self, go back to our identity and that will lead you to the actions you need to start taking again.

Emma, this has been so amazing. Before we wrap up, would you mind bearing testimony of whatever principle is on your heart right now

I love to. I know Jesus Christ lives. I know that he loves us so deeply and personally and perfectly, I know that God is our eternal father and we have an eternal mother. And even though we don't know much about her, I know that she's involved in our lives. I also know that we have so many ancestors on the other side of the veil, and I learned that so pivotal on my mission that we're not here alone.

We have more angels than we could ever think of. [00:40:00] I came to know that the restoration happened and that was part of God's plan. God used Joseph Smith, a very imperfect man to do his work and his will, and that gives me hope to know that he can use me in so many different ways. In the gospel outside of the gospel.

I know that he perfects us, and that's the great news, is we don't have to struggle with perfectionism because we'll never be perfect. Jesus Christ will perfect us. I know the book of Mormon's true. I came to meet my savior through the pages. It testifies of our savior and that he loves us. He redeems us.

I know that we have modern day prophets and that everything they do will lead us to come closer to our savior. I am so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. There's not a single person who's unworthy of it. He already paid the debt, and what we get to do is [00:41:00] now try to implement that gospel into our life.

I'm very grateful for grace and to know that. Everything will be okay because of the gospel of Jesus Christ and I testify of these things, and I know these things are true with a surety, and I say this, the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Amen. Amen. Thank you so much, Emma. This has been a powerful conversation for me.

I've learned a ton. I hope it's been meaningful for you also. Yes.

Thank you so much for this opportunity.