Can You Feel So Now, Isabel Crofts?

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Welcome to the Can You Feel? So now podcast. I'm Justin Barton and I'm grateful to be the host I get to sit down with somebody that I don't think I ever met before. I don't remember seeing her when she served here in Spokane over the last year and a half. But, I'm grateful to sit down and talk to her about her experience, her growth, the changes she's, experienced on her mission.

And it's Isabel Crofts. So, Isabel, why don't you take just a minute, introduce yourself, some hobbies you have, maybe a little bit about your family and where you're from. Yeah, of course. Thank you so much. Like you said, my name's Isabel Crofts. I am from Utah. It's just me and my twin sister and my parents and the family.

So it's just been the four of us, my whole life, which has been awesome. Some hobbies that I love. I'm really into sports. I love to play basketball, run, whatever. Just get me outdoors, hiking. And then I love to travel the world and just see new things, but if someone makes a plan, I'm there.

So Isabel, you're a twin. That's really cool. I have twin sisters. I have twin children. . I don't know. Life without twins [00:01:00] in my life. But tell me a little bit about, and this is gonna be a generic question that you've been asked a million times, but tell me a little bit about the influence that being a twin has had in your life, over the last 20 years or so.

Yeah, it's been. I don't know. I get that question a lot where it's like, oh, what's it like being a twin? But she's just my best friend and I love her so much, and it's great. It's like the best parts of a sibling because they're in the same stage of life as you, so you can go through the same things together, but at the same time, .

Like my sister knows me so well that she just pushes all my buttons exactly when we need to. But there's no one else. I would've rather . Been with, and she's been my greatest support. And yeah, I think everyone needs a twin, honestly. I think everyone should have twins in their life too.

It's a pretty cool thing. All right. Now you mentioned some things, Hey, if somebody makes a plan, I am there. You're pretty spontaneous. So talk to me about let's take that spontaneity and put it in the structure of a mission life. How did that, work together for you? How were you able to make that work?

Something that's super [00:02:00] interesting to me is I feel like a lot of missionaries first when they come out, like companions and friends I've had, they complained about the structure of the mission. Like, oh, it's so restricting. And for me, I loved like the challenge of it. Like I was given such a specific schedule.

No matter what happens, you're getting up at six 30, you're doing these four things before 10:00 AM and then you're done by 9, 9 30 and you have to, whatever. But I just loved. I was like, okay, with this space that's been given me, what can I make of it?

I, think at the beginning of my mission, at first I was a little bit frustrated, like, oh, you're telling me how to do everything. That's, it feels controlling. I didn't know that's what a mission was supposed to be like. I thought I'd have more say in it, but by the end I was like, wait, no. I have so much say in it.

It's just someone giving me the structure to move forward the plan, like you said, so. I love how you put that in there, and how you described that there's the challenge of the structure. What can I put in this space that's been given me? Talk to me about some of the maybe unique or out of the box type things that you did as a missionary that you were able to put in the [00:03:00] space that was there while staying within the structure that's given you.

Something that first comes to mind for me is I served most of my mission in language area. I was called originally as a language missionary to speak Swahili, and so I worked with a very specific demographic, most of my mission, and they just had very different needs than all the rest of the missionaries in my mission.

Normally their day didn't start until later and they had crazy work schedules and it was like, how in the world are we supposed to work with this? 10 to nine time to see them when most of 'em are available until after two or after nine, or they need help with their English homework, but they're not available until after 4:00 PM And something that me and my companions ended up doing was in this specific instance, we helped a lot with English homework and with, doing a lot of service because that was so needed in the community.

And what we ended up doing is . We just stressed to the people we were talking to, like, Hey, we want to help you, but we only have so much time. And so it became, oh, we have to pull our meal hours into this. We have to make our visits a little bit longer to help them. And even though it was really [00:04:00] frustrating and sometimes we got in trouble for it, we eventually got leaders who were like, oh, this makes sense.

You have a different demographic. And they were able to change the schedule for us. So just working with what you have until someone starts listening to you. No, that's really cool. Thank you for sharing that and, you know, sometimes I picture spontaneity as being, Hey, let's just go do this until there's a block and then I'm gonna stop.

So how did you push through those blocks with what I, maybe I'm stereotyping here when I say, Hey, the spontaneous characteristic that you have. May be like blocks are not something that's fun. So how do you push through those? So I think it's like you gotta pick your battles a little bit. You have to decide what's worth it to you.

Like if I have this idea, I wanna do it and it's against the rules or it doesn't work with our schedule. Instead of, Hey, well I wanna do, or what I think is gonna be fun, or what this idea comes to mind, it's like, okay, let's take a step back. Is this work fit? Or what if something else comes up or we probably should be doing this.

I guess it made all my spontaneity more. Reasonable or logical, I guess because I, I, there was only so much time in the day. There was only [00:05:00] so many ways I could move the schedule around or work with my companion or with the people oh, that's really cool. So I'm, going back in time with you here to when you opened your, mission call and , you've probably answered this question a hundred times, but I think it's gonna be a good foundational piece here.

When you open your mission call to Spokane, Washington, you've tra you, you love to travel the world, Spokane, Washington, eh, but then you see Swahili. What are your thoughts? What's your reaction to that? Something for me at least. I was just so excited to get my mission call because it seemed late.

Most all of my friends had gone in within , 2, 3 weeks, and mine didn't come. 4, 5, 6, I can't even remember, but just after the three week mark and I thought I wasn't like going on a mission. And so when I got the text and it said, oh, your mission calls ready to review, I was like, oh, thank goodness.

And when I opened it, it said Spokane. I didn't know where that was, but I was excited 'cause I hadn't been there before. And then it said Swahili and I thought that was Spanish spelled wrong because I took Spanish all my life and my dad went on a Spanish [00:06:00] speaking mission in Puerto Rico. And something I was always nervous about is people always said like, oh, I was so disappointed with my mission, call getting stateside or whatever, .

And for me, I just opened my call and I just felt so much like peace. Like that's where you need to go. And I think that's how the Lord works, is you get sent where you need to go. I didn't need to go to Spokane, Washington. I needed to go to the people and the experiences I'd have there. That was my first reaction.

Talk to me about your experience serving in the Swahili population in Spokane, which, you know, many people think really Spokane has a Swahili population, but talk to us about that experience. Well, I thought the same thing. I was like, there's no way there's enough. So speakers in Spokane and then you know, you do a little Google and it was saying there's two big refugee organizations, resettlement organizations, and there's a pretty sizable population.

And something I didn't realize once I got to Spokane is there's pockets like this all over the United States. There's in New York and Arizona, salt Lake, Iowa, Tennessee. Idaho, you can pretty much go anywhere and find Swahili [00:07:00] speakers. And then we found out there's a ton in Australia and Canada. And something I think is, that was crazy to me is these people had gone through so much, but they were just.

So like joyful and humble about it. Like they were just grateful for whatever they were given. Not in a way that they were like, oh wow, America, like starry-eyed. But they were just like, Hey, we're in a home and I'm with my family. And they all their experiences really showed me like the priorities were their family, if they're safe, if there's a way to provide for their family, and if there's God,

our society, our culture, and sometimes me, we lose sight of those priorities. And so it was, honestly a privilege to serve among them. So, Isabel, you say you love to travel. You've seen a lot of places around, . And you traveled because you had the ability to, because it was a privilege, , these people that you served.

They traveled halfway around the world, but it was a totally different situation. Talk to me about some, ways that your eyes were opened about [00:08:00] your lifestyle versus the lifestyle of some people who don't have those same privileges as you had the opportunity to serve them.

It was definitely very eyeopening for me, you read so many things on paper. You do so much studies, you read history, whatever, but it's really different when you see it on a personal level. Like the difference between looking at like, oh, this many people were killed, or this many people were displaced, or This many people live in Spokane, Washington, who speaks Swahili versus interacting with that one family.

Twice a week or seeing them on Sunday and hearing their stories. And at least for me, since this is kind of relevant right now, it's spring break and during my mission, at least at the beginning, whenever there were like school breaks or anything that was going on, I'd always be like, oh, what are you doing for spring break?

Or, what did you do for winter break? Or, what are you excited for about Christmas? They never really had anything to say because they were working or they had to help around the house or you know, you didn't have plans because they didn't have those resources yet either their immigration, like papers hadn't been figured out, or they just didn't have the money to be going on trips or doing things.

And I think that just showed me a [00:09:00] lot where it was like. Wait, , you have to change the questions you're asking. Like the things that are, like memories and experiences to me in my life are not the same for them. So for me it was like, oh, what experiences did you have at school today?

Playing soccer or whatever, like helping. Just seeing what people are paying attention to and what matters to them was really cool. You said, Hey, I gotta change the questions I ask. What were some, but what were some of those meaningful questions that when you asked somebody a question that you thought, well, I gotta ask a little bit different question, and it just came back.

The answer was something that just hit you in the face and maybe changed who you are. So I'll explain the question that led up to that life-changing question for me at least. So a common question at least I got taught in the MTC and I heard from many missionaries around me was you ask people like, oh, who's Jesus Christ you?

Or, what does Jesus Christ mean to you? Which I think is a beautiful, powerful question because people can answer that however they want. It could be, oh yeah, some guy in history, or it can be he is, [00:10:00] my Lord and my redeemer and he has changed my life. There's a wide range to answer that, but when I first started asking that question to the African Saints and the people we interacted with, their answer always, no matter who you ask,

it was always my savior. He's my savior. And it didn't end up going anywhere, but it was like their faith was so solid. That wasn't a question you asked, but what I realized and started asking one day, I asked them instead of, who is Jesus Christ to you? I said, what has Jesus Christ done for you?

Like, why do you still believe? And then there was one lady, I asked her that and she just started opening up and telling about, her crazy journey just to get to where I was speaking to her and all the things she had gone through. And I. Realize that it's not who Jesus Christ is for you, but his character and how that has shaped you.

And that changed me forever. It's not who Jesus Christ is, it's who He is and how that has changed you. Like there's a two part [00:11:00] question to that. Okay. Well, I'm gonna turn that question on you. So before your mission, who was Jesus Christ to you and how did that evolve throughout your mission? Oh, that's a good question.

So I grew up in the gospel. I always had faith, I always believed it wasn't ever, I never was in the back of my head like, oh, I don't think this is true or anything like that. But it didn't have like deep meaning to me. Like I knew Jesus Christ was there. It was his church and his name was in the scriptures.

And I tried to read them, but like I didn't have a personal relationship with him. And then I got out on a mission and all the things that I depended on even before my mission, like my family or friends or music or whatever else you use to get through life and have that support system.

They were not taken from me, but put on pause for a year and a half and I realized like when I was struggling, instead of sending a text to my mom or turning on music I loved, or going for a drive or taking space or reading a book, all those things I couldn't [00:12:00] do. And the only person I had was Jesus Christ.

And that completely changed. Who I believed and knew Jesus Christ was, I knew he was my savior. I knew he was my redeemer. I knew this was his church. He called prophets. He did all of these things. When I got on my mission, it was like, okay, if Jesus Christ is your redeemer, how has he saved you? Suddenly, it wasn't, his atonement brings me forgiveness.

It's his. His atonement strengthens me when I can't go on, or it heals me when I feel like I'm broken. It just became very personal. So how has his atonement given you strength when you felt you couldn't go on? Give me an example of that during your mission and you're like, I can't do this, and that.

There was a moment on my mission when I got really sick and they were able to identify what was going on, but the medication I was taking made me sick. I was just in pain a lot and there was nothing I could really do about it. And my mission leaders were all super supportive and my companions were too.

And, but there were just days that I just could [00:13:00] not imagine myself, like when I went to bed that night, there's no way I can get up in the morning. There's no way I can go out and do this again. I just remember getting on my knees one night and just saying, I cannot do this any longer. I woke up the next morning and I probably slept like maybe three, four hours and I had more strength than I could imagine.

Like I was able to get outta bed and we went and we did the whole day. By the time right when it hit 9:00 PM it was like my whole body fell apart and I just saw it for myself. . I was super active before my mission and I still am, but I've never seen anything like that in my life. Like it was true strength or moments when it was like, I don't even know how to support this person.

I was able to find the perfect words to give them that strength, and it was a really humbling experience for me. Thank you for sharing that. Let's look at a different angle here of what you've learned, things that have changed, things that have grown on your mission.

Was there a versive scripture that, as you look back on, was a theme, something that kept coming up over and over throughout your mission to strengthen you and help [00:14:00] you? Ooh, there is a verse in Alma 26. I'll pull it up really quickly. I feel like I tried to read the Book of Mormon. I went a lot before my mission, but before I got on my mission, it was really hard for me to like, remember specific verses.

But I remember when I first discovered Alma 26 in the MTC and a really popular one is 27 when he talks about, oh, when our hearts were depressed and we were about to turn back. I love that verse, but the one that became the theme of my mission is verse 36. And it says Now, if this is boasting even so, will I boast for this is my life and my light, my joy, and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting woe.

Yay blessed the name of my God who has been mindful of his people who are a branch of the tree of Israel and has been lost from its body in AEs Strange land. Yay say, blessed be the name of my God who has been mindful of us wanders in a strange land. And I love this verse because it talks about.

First Amin is boasting in Jesus Christ like He's my life. My life, my joy, my salvation, and my redemption. Like [00:15:00] if I'm gonna find purpose or I'm gonna find joy, or when things are hard, I just remember it's Jesus Christ, like I'm doing this for him. And then the second part really. Brought me home. I was working with people who were far from their land.

They were lost from their body in a strange land. And that really resonated with me. And then I love that it says he's, God is mindful of us who are wanders in a strange land. Sometimes on my mission, I felt like I was a wander in a strange land. I felt like I was asked to be on strange streets or in weird homes or with different people and also the people I was talking to, they're wanderers in a strange land.

We all are wanderers on this earth, right? We have a heavenly home. And so it just brought me a lot of peace where it's like I can boast in Jesus Christ and trust in him, and he's aware of me no matter where I am.

That is a verse that I don't think I've ever heard somebody say That was a game changer for me. So I love how you're bringing that perspective in and. You talked about the strangers wandering in a strange land, working with those and feeling that way. And, I'm brought to a verse in the New Testament, , but we are no longer [00:16:00] strangers.

It's in Ephesians two. It just e Ephesians. Yeah. I think it's 19 verse 19. Yeah. So talk to me a little bit about how be being a stranger in a strange land and then having it come together. We're no longer strangers and foreigners, but. We're members of one body of the church.

Yeah. I don't think it matters where you come from first. Like for example, my mission experience was kind of unique 'cause I was working with an East African population. But I think it doesn't matter if you were born and raised in your hometown and you also lived there your whole life, or if you travel over the world or you get lost from your family or you stay with your family.

I think God understands that like the covenant path is. We are all wanderers on it, right? , I don't think any of us stay on the path solely. And sometimes we cross strange lands to get there or we get put in waiting places or in valleys or highs or whatever. But I think that it's just like almost a blessing to me where it's like, okay.[00:17:00]

It doesn't matter where we come from or what's going on in our lives or in other people's lives, church can be a place of refuge. The scriptures can be a place of refuge, prayer, whatever. Jesus Christ is our refuge and we can all come together under him. He suffered for each and every one of us equally, and I don't think I understood that until I saw him change other people.

And that included me like he really is no respecter of persons. He remembers the heathen he remembers. Whether or not we are turning towards him right now, or if we have wandered far from him, like it is so uniting, like it doesn't matter what person I talked to on the street, we were able to talk about Jesus Christ because he did it for all of us.

He's not excluding any of us from his love in his life. And you said that's something that you didn't quite understand the universality of Jesus Christ, . Talk to me about the shift in perception that that brought to you as you started to understand that Jesus is everyone's savior, not just us members of the church, but [00:18:00] everyone What, does that mean to you now?

Yeah, so like I said before, mission, I traveled to decent a lot and I'm grateful to my family for those experiences. But I grew up in Utah and sometimes people talk about it like, oh, factory or the Utah bubble or whatever. And , most people are members of the church and most of them have had experiences with Jesus Christ or know about him or know about the church.

And so to be able to leave Utah and see that like. See a different church culture every week and just to see the saints in Spokane, whether they were American or African or wherever they came from. And just to understand that the message I was carrying as representative Jesus Christ really meant something was powerful because, , it says in the scriptures a million times that God loves the sinner more than anyone else, right? Like he didn't come to heal the perfect, he's the physician for the sick, and we are all sick with sin or with pain or with death or grief or whatever. It was really just incredible to me [00:19:00] to see that it didn't matter where people were coming from or what experiences they had, that Jesus Christ was their savior and could help them if they accepted him.

And it didn't matter if they were members of the church their whole lives, or if they weren't, or even if we were talking to someone super uninterested on the street, or if we were talking to a member who was struggling with her faith because everything was going wrong in her life. It showed me that your testimony should be on Jesus Christ first.

Joseph Smith said, everything else are just branches and tangents of that. Let's talk a little bit about your vision of your life. Has that vision changed maybe before your mission you had plans to do X with your life? Did your experiences on your mission either magnify X or did it change it to Y

tell me a little bit about that. Before my mission, I didn't realize how powerful services like I, you know, I've served, I like helped people like for young men's or young mens or wise say or whatever and got out and tried to talk to people and help, but to then be serving 24 7 for a year and a half and just have that be our [00:20:00] purpose.

I have really, truly never experienced a joy quite like that. Before my mission I was in school and I was studying in political science and I wanted to work towards like international affairs of some sort and just , try and go around the world and talk to people and. Just make solutions for big world problems.

But then I realized the people who do that as well, it's super important. But I wanted to be more involved on a personal level. And so I still, I think I'll still continue studying political science and I'm interested in international affairs, but it kind of changed my perspective. I hope to, I.

Be more on a personal level with someone like maybe work in law and be an immigration lawyer and, help like learn about individual families and help them progress towards safety in this country but it just, made me realize that your job and your career shouldn't be something that takes up all of your time.

Like even if I did still choose to go into international affairs, like I still wanna make the time for the one like Jesus Christ did. Yeah. I love that. How, how do you envision you being able to maintain that? Oh, focus on the [00:21:00] one on the family rather than on the the global. Oh, I think.

Something that's been humbling for me coming home from my mission is that your goals look great in theory and on paper, but trying to put it into practice in reality is not everything goes to plan and you run out of time or you prioritize differently. But I think for me, I just loved just having more relationships with people instead of.

Just having things more on paper or more of a global generalization . And so I think whatever I decide to do with my life, I just wanna make sure that relationships are the key. Whether that's serving my future family or serving my extended family or the people in my workplace or at church or whatever, but just having relationships with them and making time for them because those are the things that we'll carry across the grave.

I was reading in Proverbs 22 this morning and talked about that, like a good name is more. Worthwhile than gold, golden riches. And not that I don't think most people are [00:22:00] like so self-consumed with wealth that they forget about the people around them. But I think a good name is someone who serves others and takes the time for others.

Those are the people you remember, not the people who maybe spent more time with their job than with you taking the time to make a difference in people's lives even. It's just a little bit. Tell me, gimme an example of somebody you met on your mission.

Who was that type of person who was super busy, had lots going on, but made sure they made the time for the one, and maybe that one was you, maybe it was somebody else, but you saw that and, want to emulate that. There was this family couple in the Swahili branch and they were just from the branch, day one.

He was the bishop when the group first started, created. And he was super busy. He has a really prestigious job in the medical field and she has a bunch of kids and but it was crazy. Anytime we called him or his wife, they would always pick up, even like if he's about to walk into surgery or something, or she's on her way, like.

To some emergency something, they would always pick up our call and they would always be willing to [00:23:00] help. And they had the best excuses in the world, I think, to ignore our calls or not to help us. Whether it was us as missionaries, we needed a blessing 'cause we were struggling or we needed help getting someone to church or we needed advice about a family that we had no idea how to support because we never had families of our own.

And I was just so impressed by, so they were like, no, like there's a million things going on, but if someone asks for help, I will be there. And sometimes they couldn't sometimes be like, okay, I actually will be outta town this week, but here's so and so and so and so, and I can call in and help, or here's my garage code and you can go in and grab this stuff if you need it.

It was just so impressive to me. Whatever time we have, we can give. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I love that. That's a great example. You mentioned whether we needed a priesthood blessing. Talk to me about experiences that you have, maybe your testimony over how that's changed in priesthood blessings over the last couple of years of your life.

Wow. Yeah. Before my mission, I wasn't a big fan of priest pursuit blessings, which sounds so [00:24:00] dumb, but I just thought like that was more of like a last resort kind of a thing. Like, oh, once everything else doesn't work, I'll go to God. And maybe it was 'cause I had a little bit of pride 'cause I was like, oh, I don't wanna ask for help in that way.

And sometimes I didn't want to hear what God had to say because I was just nervous about what he would say or would be something I didn't want to hear. On my mission, I did like 180 and I realized that God wants to speak to me and he wants to speak to all of us, and he wants to give us the guidance and help that we need.

And sometimes you have to learn to let yourself be served. I loved the example of Jesus Christ washing his, disciples feet, and that's such a humbling experience for them. That was something only a slave could was supposed to do in their society and in their culture. The apostles had to let him do it, especially Peter, and they were more blessed for it, and it just strengthened their relationship.

And I think it's the same way with priesthood. Blessings. Sometimes we have to let God or let other people come in and help us and heal us, and it will only help us and I. Make our weaknesses into strengths. [00:25:00] Thank you for sharing that. And a couple times you said, I know this sounds bad. No, it doesn't. It sounds honest.

And that's one of the things, that I want this project to be is honest. You know, sometimes we've got really hard things. And I want missionaries, and I want me , and anybody else to feel safe sharing those really hard things and then sharing the lesson they learned from it. So let's share a really hard thing, Isabel.

What, what's a really hard thing from your mission that you might say, it doesn't sound very good that I felt that way or had that experience, but let's get it out there. Oh, a really hard experience. There was a moment in my mission when I was asked to leave the Swahili branch, which is totally okay.

We get called different places, it doesn't matter where we serve. And I went down to Pullman, Washington, which was awesome. And I was at the YSA, whatever and asked to, I was asked to look out for and help minister to the other sisters in the, their respective areas. And there was a moment when I was on companion [00:26:00] exchanges and

I was in her area and she kicked me during the lesson, like full on, kicked me in front of the, the friend and the member we had there. And it was just a little bit of miscommunication on our part and she was a new missionary and I love her so much. She was so much fun.

But it, I was furious. We had a long drive back to her apartment and I was so mad and I just like didn't know what to do. And it was just like the last straw for me on everything else that had been going on. I didn't wanna be in this position getting kicked. And then I feel like I had been asked to do too much and it was a very selfish perspective on my part, and I had never been more humbled in my whole life during a lesson to be kicked.

I had to make the decision whether or not I was going to let it affect my relationship with her. If I was gonna bring it up and be like, why the heck did you kick me like I was horrible? Or just move on and not say anything. And as I was driving, I just was praying in my head like, please don't let me say anything rash.

Please don't let me do something stupid. Because I knew I was [00:27:00] going to, and I was like, please help me keep my eyes on the road. I felt like I was seeing red and I had the thought that was like, is this a ball worth fighting? Like she's a wander in a strange land. She's a new missionary.

She doesn't know either. You don't, know what's going on with her either. And I didn't wanna let it slide and I had to, and , , I told some my companions about it later and some other sisters, and I got made fun of it for my whole mission. People would bring it up, but it ended up being a great blessing in my life because I love that sister.

And it prepared me for later experiences where I didn't get kicked physically in front of people, but I would have conflict and I'd have to decide, is this a battle worth fighting? And by the end of my mission, I feel like I was able to see the person behind the effect instead and.

, I think it just taught me how important relationships are and that sometimes you have to let yourself go to like truly find yourself. Oh, that's such a good thing. And you know, there's gonna be some time, well, [00:28:00] I'll just speak for myself here. I've been married 26, 27, I can't remember how many years.

And, there are times when either I've thrown my wife under the bus in front of people or she's thrown me under the bus in front of people and that, like you said, you see red. And it's like, how could you do that to me? Is this a battle worth fighting?

Now there are probably battles that are worth fighting, but that probably wasn't it. Right? What is a battle that's worth fighting for you, Isabel? That's a really good question. I think for me, a battle worth fighting is when like my relationship with God. When my personal values and who I am and that when that comes into like Jeopardy, , or I guess a little bit of my goals, sometimes you do have to give those up, but for example, on my mission, there was a moment when I was with a companion and we had a bit of a disagreement [00:29:00] and ended up being like

she was asking me to do something that she viewed like, this is a means to an end to a much better thing, like to help someone's progression and to help someone else be happy. But for me it meant that we had to bend some rules or ask for some exceptions, and I just can't stand for that.

And so I think. We ended up having a disagreement, and I did end up fighting that battle. I don't think either of us won the battle, but we were able to , come away with a better compromise. And I think a relationship was better for it because avoiding conflict is never good. But I just had to say like, I'm not willing to bend the rules.

I'm not willing to , bring my integrity into jeopardy for something that may or may not bless someone else. , If we do it the right way and it's hard, we're gonna do it the right way, not the easy way. That's such a powerful example. Thank you for sharing that. And I love that personal values, integrity is something that's worth fighting for.

Let's, go back again to, [00:30:00] talk about your mission leadership. What are some of the themes, some of the lessons you learned from mission presidents mission leaders that have really helped shape you to this point? I had two sets of mission leaders on my mission.

They switched exactly halfway through, which I think was a really cool experience for me. 'cause I got to see two very different leadership styles and I love both of them. I love both couples so much, even though they were very different. They both taught me very different things. But this one especially applies to, the mission presidents I had at the end of my mission and.

I was, something I've struggled with my whole life is self-confidence and self-worth. Just like is what I'm giving enough? Like am I ever enough if I don't get a hundred percent whatever God's test is, is that accepted before him my mission president in a family home evening, shared a verse from DNC one 17 and it's.

About Oliver Granger who was asked to stay behind in. Far west, Missouri , but he is asked [00:31:00] to sell all the saints property and he can't do it. And so it's, he's given a, a doomed mission pretty much, and he isn't able to do it. But this is the Lord speaking about afterwards and he says, I remember my servant.

Oliver Granger. Behold, verily say unto him that his name shall be had in sacred remembrance from generation to generation, forever and ever say the Lord. And then he, and then I'll skip down verse 13. And he says, and when he falls, he shall rise again for his sacrifice, shall be more sacred unto me than his increased, say the Lord.

And I think it's very hard in life, and if we're talking about missions to focus on the results of everything. Like are you hitting your numbers? Are you baptizing people? Are you finding people? Are you. I dunno, X, Y, Z getting in so many houses or in real life, how many people are you dating?

Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? How's your relationship with your family? How are your grades during school? How much money are you making? Like you can look at all these results, but the Lord says here, his sacrifice will be more sacred unto me than his increase. And I think that completely changed me 'cause, in a mission, it makes sense that a [00:32:00] mission present should be focused on baptisms. , And temple like That should be the end goal of helping people come closer to Jesus Christ. But for, my mission present, he said, it's all about what you give. The Lord is more interested in what you give.

If you only have one, one talent and you give that one talent, or you only have 50% that day and you give that 50%, that is more sacred to him than however many people you find that day or whether or not you hit your mile time running or whatever. That is for each individual person. And that completely changed, I think, my perspective for the rest of my life.

How are you gonna carry that into your schooling? I mean, you talked about a hundred percent I gotta have a's on everything basically is what that is. Yeah. How are you gonna carry that forward into your schooling? I think for me it's just remembering that I. If I give my all and I get a B, for example, or if I get a C or hopefully not a D or something, but I gave my all, I did everything I could and then I leave the rest up to the test or the teacher or to [00:33:00] God and I think.

It was super impressive to see that on my mission. Like to see people who were like, Hey, I am giving my all as a person and I couldn't go any farther, but the Lord made up the rest or ended up being the right path for them. , But just as long as I gave a hundred percent first, as long as I controlled what I could and then I just have to accept the outcome, even though that's really hard for me because I would love to get A's and to do well , but if I give my all. And I get a B or whatever, then I can stand still and say, I did my all there's, no more I can do here.

So yeah. Hopefully that makes a little bit of sense. Yeah, I think it does, and it actually ties in, I was having a conversation with somebody just a little bit earlier today, and I made a note here. I'm gonna ask you the same question I asked that person. Okay. Tell me the difference between , making a plan, goals end goals mm-hmm.

And. Being set on the outcome of that plan. So I've got my goals set and I'm gonna do the best I can to achieve those goals, but the outcome I don't have control over. How do you [00:34:00] relinquish the outcome when you're setting the goals? How do you surrender that? I think it has to come down to like.

What your motivations were for those goals and for those outcomes. If it's something you super care about, it's gonna hurt really hard when you don't get the outcomes of those goals. But I think relinquishing that, that power and that control is saying like.

Here I am and I know that my worth is worth more than those outcomes. Right? So separating yourself from the outcomes you are not the worth of how many people you baptize on your mission. You are not the worth of how many ministering assignments you were able to complete as an Elder's Quorum president or relief society president.

It's not how many as I was able to get. In school, it's, I served in the release society presidency and I gave my all, or I served my mission. I gave my all, even if I didn't baptize a soul, or I worked as hard as I could in school and whether or not I got the degree, let's say I got the degree right, and I still got the degree.

And I think it's yeah, I think it's separating your [00:35:00] worth. Like I am still worthwhile and I still have, yeah, I still have value and worth even if things don't work out the way I need them to. That's such a powerful way to look at things. Thank you for going into that, Isabel. As we start to move towards wrapping this up, is there anything else that's just sitting on your heart that you're like, you know what, I really hope that Justin asks me that question.

Or this is something that I feel like I, it's just bursting outta me. I have to share it. Oh, yeah. I just wanna say that I think people have a strange. I used to as well, that bad things shouldn't happen to good people, especially if we belong to the church, especially if we're doing what's right and.

I think yes, that makes sense. And I wish it was true, but I think that's just an unrealistic expectation to have because you see it in your family members, you see it in your friends, you see in the people you love. You see it in yourself. You see in the people you serve as a mission. Like I saw people who gave up everything to join the church or to continue their church service, and then it [00:36:00] continued still to lose.

I was like, how is this even fair? How can this man who's given everything and. Loves the Lord and is doing everything right. How can bad things continue to happen to him or for me, it's like I have served a mission and I have done everything I'm supposed to, and yet, things aren't working out how I want at home or at school or whatever, .

And I think we just have to remember like, just because we're on the right path doesn't mean it's easy. For example, missions are really hard. Life is really hard. We have to keep that eternal perspective, like President Nelson tells us we have to think celestial. He's the prophet and he said he was in a ton of pain, and yet he's still able to find joy and have that perspective that if it isn't gonna work out right now, it will all be fair.

There will be hope in the next life. Yeah. I, think you just, gave me a quote that I'm gonna put up on my wall of quotes. I've got. A wallpaper of quotes around here that I just love. Just because I'm on the right path doesn't mean that it's gonna be easy. I think that's such a [00:37:00] powerful thing to, for me to remember because.

I'm like you, Hey, I'm really trying to do the right thing. I'm checking the boxes. Come on, God, gimme a break here. Seriously, where's the blessings? I'm such tired of waiting. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Where are the blessings? I love that. And, you know, and this is, honest. Sometimes we feel like, come on.

Yeah. Seriously. And I'm not perfect at it. I'm not saying that that's a lesson, I'm still learning, but it's like. Sometimes we just have to continue waiting and that's okay. Gotta be patient. Things will work out eventually. Right. And it may not be until after I'm safely dead that I go, oh, that's why.

All right. So, Isabel, as we start wrapping this up, this project is called Can You Feel? So now it's based on Alma chapter five verse 26, and that verse reads, and now behold, I say it to you, if you have experienced a change of heart, and if you have felt to sing a song of redeeming love, I would ask, can you feel so now?[00:38:00]

So I'm gonna break that up into three sections. And we've talked a little bit about this, but talk to me a little bit more, answer the question, have you experienced a change of heart? And what does that look like? I am so grateful that I can give you a resounding yes to that question. A big concern I had going into my mission is that I would have regrets leaving, be like, oh, I wish I'd done this, or, I wish I didn't change enough, or whatever, X, Y, and Z.

But I can confidently say I have experienced a change of heart. The Lord has. Really, truly changed my perspective on his church and on his people and their relationship with his gospel and his son. And

I have more charity for those around me because we're all in this journey together. And I think that has changed it for me. 'cause I have a very competitive mindset and sometimes I make life a competition, but it's not. We're all on one team trying to get to the finish line and I'm so grateful for that change in my life.

Beautiful. Thank you for walking through that next phrase is, have you felt the sing, the Song of Redeeming Love, [00:39:00] what is the song of redeeming love to you and how do you sing that? Oh, I never really understood this one until my mission. I was like, what does it mean to sing the song of redeeming love?

I think redeem means to ransom, right? To save someone, to pay the price for them. And I have seen that in my own life. I've seen Jesus Christ truly pay the price for me to save me, to take me from the situation I have put myself in. And I should have been the one to pay for or to get myself out.

But I didn't have the power to. And he did. And just the power of repentance, of forgiveness, of peace. And I think the song of redeeming love for me is. Feeling peace and hope for a better life. Not that this life is bad, but there is a better one to come. Like that's why we keep going every day.

That's why you get up and keep trying. Like the fact that people believe that this life is the end has gotta be the most hopeless, despairing thought ever. But we can sing that song of redeeming love and we turn to Jesus Christ and he heals us and forgives us and gives us that hope. Beautiful. [00:40:00] All right, last question.

Let's jump into that time machine. You and me. Let's go ahead. 15 years your life looks, whatever it looks like at that point. And some of the things you brought up maybe the the, goals that you've set, the outcomes that you really wanted are not happening, and it's just not coming together.

Bad things are happening to a good person, at least you perceive it that way, and you're just down, you're not feeling it. I want you to coach yourself up and tell yourself what you're doing today, what you did on your mission, what you've done throughout your life that has helped you feel so now, help that person remember that.

Oh, so I think I would tell myself in 15 years or anyone else like that, just because you're not feeling that right now doesn't mean it's not there. You've had these experiences, you've. You've learned who Jesus Christ is to, you've felt that forgiveness. You've felt his redeeming power, you felt his atonement.

You have seen Jesus Christ heal you [00:41:00] and strength in any ways you didn't know possible. And even if right now you're saying I, I can't feel his love, I can't feel his strength. I don't know if he's there. I don't know if he's listening because so and so is suffering, or so and so has passed away, or these things aren't working out in my life.

I think. Are you still doing the things that you know you're supposed to be doing? A really good friend told me once, like, it's like faith reservoir or faith storage instead of like food storage. Like, are you still drawing upon the things that you know to be true? And you will feel it, it may not be the way you recognize it and maybe those things won't work out, but keep doing what you know is right to the best of your ability.

Give 50, outta 50 of that percentage. You have that day and you will sing this up again. I love it. Thank you so much, Isabel. So as we get ready to close down this conversation, are you willing to bear testimony in Swahili

i'd be happy to. Um.

Ka Maisha.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. [00:42:00] Love that. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much for doing that. I loved that testimony. I loved this conversation, Isabel. I hope it's been meaningful for you. Absolutely. I'm so grateful. Thank you for this opportunity.